To Feel...

I want to inhale that feeling that makes me want to swoon and soar at the same time;that feeling that makes me want to smile, and whistle all day.

I want to hold on to those intoxicated butterflies, fluttering through my chest, before they settle at the very core of my pit; their wings  shuddering in unknown anticipation.

I want to softly sway to that loud music which plays in my head, joining the chorus of sweet  harmony that never stops . The rhythm is pumped up to full bass, humming  in unison with my thumping heart.

I want to release those unshed tears, freeing them from their caged prison, thus relieving myself of hoarded emotions. The guilt doesn’t die as easy, but the torrential downpour helps wash away the pain.

I want to laugh time away, my body quivering  in spasms of  delicious joy that can be experienced in no other way. My head rolls deliriously drunk on pure exhilaration, soon to be accompanied by an aching jaw.

I want to sing at the top of my lungs, and bellow every note till they reach their highest key, before tumbling down in a heap of broken tunes. I will then sweep them up , and start again, gluing chipped pieces together to form a whole new song.

I want to look at where I am, and remember how I started out; not as empty as I am now, but just as that little girl I once was. I would clap my hands and climb the highest trees-so happy I could die!

I want so much,and know exactly what I want, every shining detail glittering gold, studded with chiseled diamonds. I am still young, a little too bright, and just complex enough in design. to get it all right . 

I want to feel all these feelings, unadulterated by the said possibilities, and threats of  their apparent consequences.Though many fail too see through my rose tinted aspirations, I was in desperate want of repair; for I was broken.

However reality is cruel, and waits for none. An expert in exposing ones greatest fears, it’s stench had already settled deep, crushing my hopeful spirit, and flooding my brain with dark uncertainty. Logic was long infected by doubt, and this is when the voices  started cackling hysterically, repeatedly saying, “For what are the use of  big dreams girl, if you’re too afraid to feel?”